I have some brothers in the Lord who will be marrying very soon! Yaaaay! And I would like to share some quick insights. These points do not reflect my entire experience but nonetheless it will let you see what you can expect after approximately a year of marriage. I have been married for a little over 10 months at the time of writing. So please keep in mind that I will definitely write a marriage blog 10 times more better than this after 9 more years of marriage 🙂 (I hope you got the joke).
Right before your wedding there will be many emotions and thoughts flowing in your head. Some of this stems from what you’ve seen from your parents’ marriage, uncles, aunties, pastors, elders, celebrities, etc. I want to assure you that everything will be fine on the wedding day and beyond, as long as you stay grounded, prayerful and united with your wife. You can have a successful marriage. It is all up to you and frankly, as a man you will have to make a conscious effort everyday to make sure your wife is happy and at peace in the marriage. The following are things you can expect to experience some months after the wedding day.
- Lots of sex.. and then a dip: This is a no brainer. The two of you are freshly married, excited and expressing your passion and desire for one another in the bedroom, living room, kitchen, laundry room, etc. This is how it should be but it will take a dip in some months down the line and the two of you will no longer be struggling to get your hands off of each other, but rather finding new ways to get your hands on each other more. Not because your attraction has dropped but because the marriage will always present new challenges and as humans we must respond by adapting to change, being innovative and creative.
- You will say less lovey dovey things to her: You will notice that the lovey dovey words you used for one another when first dating will reduce down to ‘baby or babe or hun’. Its totally fine if you find your nicknames changing. This does not mean you have to force in new nicknames. Your new focus should be proving to your Wife WHY she is your baby, babe, honey, cupcake, muffin, boo boo, etc. At this point, the WHY is crucial. You have matured now and are now married, now you can express it even more.
- You will disagree about money: This will come along the way and it may hit you by surprise. No matter how much you pray together, no matter how ‘ONE’ the two of you are, you will see differences in the way you view money. You can have the same financial goal yet disagree on how to reach that goal. One party will be more generous than the other, and one will make more money than the other. There will always be some kind of imbalance. Pray for wisdom in this area and meditate on scripture like, Matthew 6:24 “No one can serve two masters. For you will hate one and love the other; you will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.” This biblical view of money will allow the two of you to see that money is a spirit and you must not allow it to rule your marriage. Rather, let God rule your marriage. Use money, don’t let money use you.
- You will see a new flaw ALMOST everyday: Keep your eyes open and be forgiving, be quick to forgive and slow to assume. We all have flaws. Let this scripture resonate with you, Matthew 7:3 “And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own?” It is critical to outdo your wife in humility. The more prideful you are, the more prideful your wife becomes. The more you point fingers at your wife, sooner or later, she will be pointing fingers at you. You are one flesh and your actions and attitudes will rub off on each other. If you don’t want your wife to be harsh with you and your flaws, then be gracious and understanding with her flaws.
- Marriage will humble the hell out of you, literally: This is only true if the two of you stand on the Word of God and remain as one. Remain humble and do not Lord over your wife as a boss or a drill sergeant. Husbands that behave this way cause hell for their wives and are blinded. Yes it’s true, a husband by true definition is master or lord of the house or garden, however the beauty of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ was that He came to serve, not to be served. Every husband ought to remember that it is your duty to love your wife, being gentle in your speech, gentle in your touch, and gracious and kind to her. Serve her needs and make her smile. In doing so, she will respect and honour you even more.
- You will know what love is: Having to deal with criticism, character flaws, mood swings and still standing by her side will show you what love is. As a husband, if you walk away from your marriage, you have failed. It is your duty to love her, to be strong, and to be firm like a mountain. Your marriage will stretch you, pull at you, and purify you in order for you to be complete. You can only fully and truly love your wife after you have dealt with all of the ups, downs, disappointment and arguments in a marital context. There will be days where you may not feel loved; but will you stay? Or will you walk away? This point goes beyond words and every man will have his own unique challenge in his marriage that will truly test his love for his wife.
To be continued….
Enjoy your marriage.